Application: Cathulhu

What game are you applying for?

What is your character name?

Why do you want to join UDL?
I am here, looking for a pack to call home.
Looking for a community to play and grow together, and be an active part of.

With Crowfall’s launch, I had joined a new player guild in hopes that they would be my home. However (leaving names out of it for respect) it completely fell through earlier this morning. It was a falling out I felt coming. Because while I was looking for people to progress with. I found something much worse. Liars.

So being brought down by my situation I’m struggling to find a new home days into the Dregs campaign.

How did you find out about our guild?
Through the forum post on the Crowfall Community forums.

Describe your past MMO experiences
To be honest I’m not sure how to answer this. I have a long history of playing many different games in different periods of my life. A large portion was spent in MMORPG games like WoW, Aion, Tera, Guild Wars, Albion, Black Desert. But I’ve also played other games, I use to love Dawn of War. I enjoy an added strategy aspect to games I play. As well as working together, and enjoying the game.

Now for the rough side of things.
Guilds have always been sporadic for me. Even the ones I was a part of for any length of time. The last guild I was a part of, we were close. Until our love of WoW and the new expansion dwindled into nothing. We all separated into different games. Being people with different things going on and different lives. We drifted apart unfortunately. While we tried to stay close, it simply didn’t happen. But this was also caused by an upsetting and surprising change of leadership that nobody knew was coming.

Earlier in my life I really hadn’t been in any long standing guilds. Mostly just small communities that live and die all the time.

Do you have anything to prove you are an exceptional gamer?
My biggest achievement by far was Awakening my Pegasus in BDO

as well as holding the number 3 spot for top trainers for 4 months on Kamasylvia. (I do not have a screenshot of that part) But this is the mount and the character I raised it on.

Do you have a member of UDL who can vouch for you?

What is your preferred play style?
PvP - Small Scale: true
PvP - Large Scale: true
Crafting/Gathering: true
Questing/Raiding: false

Tell us a little about yourself.
Well Hi, My name is Anthony but I go by Tony irl. And most people call me Neri or Cat in the games I play. I’ve been gaming since 1996 and the game Chex Quest.
That was the start that lead into Pokemon, and then to PC gaming for me.

In real life I play little to no role in anything. I live on disability for severe anxiety, depression, and black out seizures. Which don’t allow me to drive a vehicle anymore, or work a job. So I spend most of my waking hours playing video games, working on Miniatures (for wargaming) and doing simple sketches, soon to be, simple tattoos.

But with how my life is, I struggle to feel like I’m a part of something. Something Crowfall had me so excited for. However circumstance, and putting trust in the wrong people lead me to where I am now.

I have a long history of loss and Addiction (spending aka gambling)
as well as abuse and a serious lack of self worth. All things I work on, on a constant basis. To secure my life and better myself in the ways I can. I pride myself on not being that person. I would be lying if I said I’ve never slipped up; But it’s not how we fall, it’s what we do after.

I am just a human being, like anyone, trying to better themselves and those around them. I live with my sister who is an ex heroin addict. She is a big part of my life now, as are my cats. My boys (Sosa and Nugget) are my rocks. They keep me stable when my medication can’t.

I mentioned before black out - seizures. Doctors don’t know what it is. Even with extensive testing. But they eventually called them seizures. In times of extreme stress, or if I don’t keep myself thinking and active enough. I will black out. Most of the time it’s not entirely random, while It does feel that way. It effects some of my memory, especially my short term. (I couldn’t tell you what I ate yesterday for instance)

Yes I realize I’m not exactly selling myself here. But I’m here to be open and honest about all aspects of myself. I am an open book.

Which is your strongest pillar? Which is your weakest?
I think my strongest pillar by far is Dedication. I love to learn about things, and doing 3d printing I often have to learn new methods for doing different things. Learning how to fix a flaw, or make something that was garbage into something awesome and beautiful. Same goes for my artwork. I have to learn constantly, use references, train myself. Yes Youtube is a thing. But I’m self taught in a lot of ways. If I need to learn something I simply ask. And if I need to change something I’m doing, I do it.

So the next pillars I plan to group together with some explanation.
Respect - Professionalism - Honor
My parents were both from an older, harder, generation. They were both retired Air Force, and my father was a Master-Sargent when he retired. So I was raised in a heavily military and religious home.
That being said…
It was also a very abusive home.
Being what it was and how everything played out, I did not come out perfect from it. It made me rethink how I view things.
This isn’t me saying that I lack these pillars, just the opposite. I embrace them (while I didn’t call them what you do) They are the same.
I learned to Respect others who do the same. If I am respected, I will do the same in kind. I treat others how I want to be treated. While that also counts as Professionalism, that is another aspect of that pillar I struggle with.
“Watch your mouth”
So I say things how it is. I don’t sugarcoat or beat around the bush. I say what’s on my mind, and in a negative situation, I will say what I need to say in hopes of working through whatever it is. And expect others to do the same. But on occasion something I say rubs someone the wrong way. Or is taken in a way that I don’t intend for it to come off as. But it is not with bad intentions.
(I really hope that made sense)
Honor falls into both other categories. I respect others who show respect. I follow rules put in place. And I do what I can for others. I like to be helpful to people, animals, and myself. Even if I don’t like hearing what I have to say, I listen and learn from every experience I can.

With Crowfall’s launch I had every intention of being a part of a family. And pushing ourselves to the best and greatest level we could. However. With launch I joined a guild promising these things. But in return would do absolutely nothing. I tried speaking to the leaders. Working through the issues. But the long story short of it, is. It did not work out.
I want a place whom I can be loyal to. Like I am my family irl, including my cats.
A place where I can be myself with and without my quirks.
But launch left me in a rough spot and I am doing what I can to find likeminded people to BE loyal to.

I game every waking hour, of every day. Outside of my artwork, and painting miniatures. (both of which happen over time in smaller bursts because of my limitations irl) I just want to grow together and progress as a whole.

Not a fucking chance

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